Perspectives - Tokiya: Unforgivable Sinner
by Lockheart
Summary: Mikagami (songfic)


Okay... here we go again. Perspectives 3, on Mikagami.  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I wish I did, though, but there's a reason why I'm still wishing. Sueing me will do you no good unless you want to get Masahiro's autograph or my geography textbook.  
Please, please, please review... onegai? *bambi eyes*  
  
Perspectives Part 3 (songfic)  
Mikagami Tokiya: Unforgivable Sinner  
Performed by Lene Marlin  
  
denotes lyrics. / / denotes thoughts. Enjoy.  
-Music starts-  
  
Kinda lose your sense of time  
'Cos the days don't matter no more  
  
Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing except vengeance. How long had it been since that night? A day? A month? A year? He wasn't sure. He didn't care. All he cared about was his training, so that one day, no matter when it was, no matter what he had to do, he would avenge his sister.  
  
All the feelings that you hide  
Gonna tear you up inside  
  
All those times he climbed to the top of the hill near the dojo late at night and sat there staring down at the gleaming lights of Tokyo. His photograph of his sister would be clutched delicately but protectively with his fingers, and he would renew his vow to track down the killer and send him to hell.  
  
You hope she knows you tried  
  
/I tried, 'neechan. I really did. I was too weak. Gomen nasai, 'neechan. But I'll get revenge for you. I swear./  
  
Follows you around all day  
And you wake up soaking wet  
  
How long had it been since he had been able to sleep without nightmares haunting him? How many times had he jerked up in bed in the middle of the perpetually starless night, each torturous second of the recurring nightmare still clearly imprinted in his mind?  
  
'Cos between this world and eternity  
There is a face you hope to see  
  
That nightmare… the one… of his sister being murdered.  
  
You know where you sent her  
Cos you know where you are  
  
That night, that scene, etched into his mind as if it were carved on rock. That knife coming down, down, down. His blood rushing to his head, the sudden realization that he was going to die, that everything he'd done to live after his parents' death, was coming to an end today-  
And then her, flinging herself in front of him, taking the blow. Her pained cry, the tears in her eyes… Still so vivid after such a long time, like a reminder, a mockery, a taunt…  
  
You're trying to ease off  
But you know you won't get far  
  
/'Neechan… why?/  
  
And now she's up there Sings like an angel  
But you can't hear those words  
  
/I caused your death, 'neechan. Me. Do you hate me now? I hope you do, because I don't think I can go on if you forgive me. Me, the worthless person you died for./  
  
And now she's up there, sings like an angel  
Unforgivable sinner  
  
/Nothing I can do will make up for it, but I'll try. I'll seek out the person who killed you, and I'll make sure they pay./  
  
You've been walking around in tears  
No answers are there to get  
  
/'Neechan… there's so much I don't understand… I wish I could talk to you again, but… I don't deserve it./  
  
You will never be the same  
Someone cries and you're to blame  
  
/You gave up so much for me after 'Kaasan and 'Tousan died. All those times you skipped out on outings with your friends just to take care of me. All those times you gave up what you wanted just to give me what *I* wanted./  
  
Struggling with a fight inside  
The sorrow you'll defeat  
  
/Now you're not here, I have to take care of myself. I miss you so much, 'neechan. So much. But I'll do it. Now I can only rely on myself. It's too painful to depend on anyone else. If…  
You're all I need now, 'neechan. Your memory./  
  
The picture you see, it won't disappear  
Not unpleasant dreams or the voice you hear  
  
With each secret tear that he shed in the folds of darkness, each crystalline bead that escaped the hold of his eyes, the guilt snowballed, growing and growing until it was terrifyingly close to consuming him if it hadn't already…  
  
You know where you sent her  
'Cos you know where you are  
  
/Oh 'neechan… you died to let me live… But don't you see, without you, I'm already dead. I'm a shell now, a shadow, a shadow filled with hunger for revenge. All I aim to do now is get vengeance for you. I don't know what comes after that; I don't care./  
  
You're trying to ease off  
But you know you won't get far  
  
/Maybe after that… I'll join you up there. But no, I'll probably go to hell, and I deserve hell, I know./  
  
And now she's up there, sings like an angel  
But you can't hear those words  
  
/And I know that I don't deserve to see you, or hear you, or even be in your presence anymore. Not after what I've done to you./  
  
And now she's up there, sings like an angel  
Unforgivable sinner  
  
/I am all that you wished me not to be. Hung up on one thing, bent on bloodshed. That's good, 'neechan. Despise my values. Be disgusted with me. Hate me with all your soul; maybe that'll alleviate my pain, even though I don't deserve release from the torture from guilt./  
  
Maybe one time lost  
But now you've found  
Stand right up before you hit the ground  
  
/But I've found my purpose in life, and however much you may disapprove of it, I'm still going to continue with it. You may say think that it will destroy me, but I see no better fitting ending for myself./  
  
Maybe one time lost  
But now you've found  
Stand right up before you hit the ground  
Hit the ground….  
  
/I know that I'm running, but sometimes it's easier to run. I'll meet my doom, I know, and when that comes, I will accept my fate willingly./  
  
You know where you sent her  
'Cos you know where you are  
  
/You made a trade with Death, 'neechan. I was supposed to die then; you should have just let that thug finish me off./  
  
You're trying to ease off  
But you know you won't get far  
  
/I don't have a soul anymore, 'neechan. I used to think that maybe that was a good thing, since I wouldn't feel the guilt as much. But you know what? I was wrong. It's even more painful now./  
  
And now she's up there, sings like an angel  
But you can't hear those words  
  
/Because, after all, it wasn't really those robbers' fault you died. It was mine. I was too weak to protect you. I couldn't protect you, and so you died. Either way, it's my fault. I'm sorry, 'neechan. So, so sorry./  
  
And now she's up there, sings like an angel  
Unforgivable sinner  
  
/I'll avenge you… then maybe… just maybe… I can forgive myself… someday…/  
  
  
-OWARI-  



End file.
